Now, why I choose this to be the title of my post, I have no idea myself. It's just that I have been thinking a lot lately, maybe even too much, about a lot of things that are happening around us. You know how sometimes the things in front of your face has been there all along but you never realized it until came and slapped you in the face and then you see. You know how psychologists are supposed to sophisticated in the head, and always tend to look at the wider picture instead of focusing on the picture itself, I kinda have a feeling I'm heading there.
If you ask me whether I'm going cuckoo? I doubt it, but if cuckoo means that you go into deep thinking then yes I am beyond cuckoo. I just find myself confused about so many things. This world is so confusing, one person might say this is right the other person might say that's the worst possible thing to do. One might interpret actions and behaviors differently with how the person who is acting out those actions and behaviors interpet it.
Honestly, I daresay there are not many adults I confide in, save Mr. Victor and Ms. Shoba. I tend to talk to Mr. Victor more due to the longer time which I have spent knowing him. Still a lot of these things I just cant get myself to open up to him, I know he might be the only one reading my blog anyway, but even somethings I just cant get myself to open up to him. All my friends think its cool to do things like that, but for some reason I don't
I'm just rambling too much, I better stop here.
By the way, before I leave I came up with this line. I was in Delucca the other day to attend my lecturer's gig in KL. As fun as it was, it lacked young girls to dance with, so on Sunday afternoon, as I lied down trying to get a nap after church, I just recollected that night, and I thought what would have happened if I did dance with a lady. And this line just bumped into my head.
"I was dancing with this lady, as we were dancing she whispered into my ears, "Honey, I'm old enough to be your mother" I just looked at her and said " Darling, I'm old enough to make you one!!!"
See how my mind works, I love this psychological mind. (:
Monday, June 1, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Amazing voice
Hey I was just browsing through youtube, you know this place is like a site for talents worldwide. Anyway, while I was browsing through, I bumped into this awesome singer, who is I shall say pretty eccentric, if you don't believe check out this video and tell me what u think about it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov3PS-CY-jY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov3PS-CY-jY
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
A night I won't forget
Yes, I know I haven't updated for like a kazillion days... its just that that inspiration to write has just left me, I would say it is mainly since my mum started reading this blog and I had to privatize it. Since then, I realized only a select few can read my blog, and these people are people who I meet or chat online everyday.
However, me writing today is to share with a whole lot of you who might have access to my blog, about this wonderful night I had last friday.
I have a very good friend in the form of Benjamin George. He has been my bestest buddy for like God-knows-how-long. We're well known in our church camps and in church though he is not exactly from my church. We're known for our acting skills where we tickle people's funny bones without a fail every year by our plays in church camp. Even the email address that I have, Benzcool - is derived from my friendship with him : Back in camp, we're known as the Benz, because I'm known as Benny in my church and he is known as Ben and we're the Benz. Even my email add is derived from him, so I guess you can imagine how close we were.
Now, thanks to him, I was allowed to tag along to meet a very famous person whose identity I shall keep anonymous to save that person a whole lot of trouble. So, we were supposed to go to this club called Mist in Bangsar, however, they found out that there were lot of police raids that night and decided to just chill at the crib. Me and Ben, we had to travel a long way to this person's house thanks to our friend, Kevin who was willing to give us a lift. So we arrived at the apartment and we managed to find the place into the room.
The second we entered, everyone went "HEYYY!!!!!" Apparently my other half is a well known figure at least to them, and Ben went around introducing me "Hey this is my friend Benny" and I would reply "Hi, its Mathew", this repeated with about 3 people and at last they got the point that I would prefer myself to be called Mathew.
Once that was done, Ben was called to answer a question, failing to which he would have to take double shots of vodka, obviously he failed and two shots of hot drink flowed into his system. Next thing you know, I get cornered by a person and without even getting a question was forced to down 2 shots. AND MINE YOU I'M NOT A DRINKER, so this was really turning out to be a great night.
But what really made the night exceptional were the people who I spend the time with. They totally gave me a new point of view to look at, I can tell you I learned so many things just spending this wonderful liquour-assisted night with them. Just before we left we had mihun and nasi lemak just to take the breath of alcohol away and luckily too, because we were stopped by a police and the driver had to blow into some detector but thankfully the mihun was effective and we escaped.
So, lastly, ( I wish I had some vodka now) I would like to thank everyone that gave me that amazing night.
Because of you, I am more willing to take things as they come
Because of you, I look at things with a whole new point of view
Because of you, I can understand myself better
So thank you for that.
I'll never forget that night, well I kinda already forgot the details......
However, me writing today is to share with a whole lot of you who might have access to my blog, about this wonderful night I had last friday.
I have a very good friend in the form of Benjamin George. He has been my bestest buddy for like God-knows-how-long. We're well known in our church camps and in church though he is not exactly from my church. We're known for our acting skills where we tickle people's funny bones without a fail every year by our plays in church camp. Even the email address that I have, Benzcool - is derived from my friendship with him : Back in camp, we're known as the Benz, because I'm known as Benny in my church and he is known as Ben and we're the Benz. Even my email add is derived from him, so I guess you can imagine how close we were.
Now, thanks to him, I was allowed to tag along to meet a very famous person whose identity I shall keep anonymous to save that person a whole lot of trouble. So, we were supposed to go to this club called Mist in Bangsar, however, they found out that there were lot of police raids that night and decided to just chill at the crib. Me and Ben, we had to travel a long way to this person's house thanks to our friend, Kevin who was willing to give us a lift. So we arrived at the apartment and we managed to find the place into the room.
The second we entered, everyone went "HEYYY!!!!!" Apparently my other half is a well known figure at least to them, and Ben went around introducing me "Hey this is my friend Benny" and I would reply "Hi, its Mathew", this repeated with about 3 people and at last they got the point that I would prefer myself to be called Mathew.
Once that was done, Ben was called to answer a question, failing to which he would have to take double shots of vodka, obviously he failed and two shots of hot drink flowed into his system. Next thing you know, I get cornered by a person and without even getting a question was forced to down 2 shots. AND MINE YOU I'M NOT A DRINKER, so this was really turning out to be a great night.
But what really made the night exceptional were the people who I spend the time with. They totally gave me a new point of view to look at, I can tell you I learned so many things just spending this wonderful liquour-assisted night with them. Just before we left we had mihun and nasi lemak just to take the breath of alcohol away and luckily too, because we were stopped by a police and the driver had to blow into some detector but thankfully the mihun was effective and we escaped.
So, lastly, ( I wish I had some vodka now) I would like to thank everyone that gave me that amazing night.
Because of you, I am more willing to take things as they come
Because of you, I look at things with a whole new point of view
Because of you, I can understand myself better
So thank you for that.
I'll never forget that night, well I kinda already forgot the details......
Monday, March 23, 2009
What is love?
For a guy who has been fighting to prove that love still exists for well over 10 years, I wonder now, have I ever really known what I was fighting for ? You know how everything seems so amazing and all and then suddenly you just get slapped in the face and then you just cant believe what has happened?
Well that's what happened to me, all this beautiful so called amzing feeling just suffocated me and I couldn't really see what was going on. I cant deny, there is love in this world, there still are those few lucky chaps who do find love and do live happily. but all I know is that I'm not that person.
For as long as I've known I've guided people to find love, I've helped people overcome their problems in relationships but guess what, I was never good enough to deal with my own issues. Yeah it's pathetic that after 8gfs I have not gotten my first kiss yet, but whats even worse is that with all 8 gfs I still didnt find love. Now that is what bugs me even more than everything else. Yes 3 of my gfs cheated on me but after 18 years if I cant answer what is love then what kind of a life have I lived.
In December, I fell in love with a girl called Cassandra Anne Sebastian. She was the most perfect girl to me. I loved her from the bottom of my heart. There wasnt a single day where I did not think of her. Every night as I lay down on my bed, I used to look at her picture in my phone before sleeping off. She then left for Sarawak to live with her aunty and she was studying there. She would only get her phone on weekends and therefore every Friday night, I would send her a text message waiting for the message to be delivered. I would wait so patiently and the second I see that the message was delivered I would call her hoping that the situation would be right for her to answer the call. If she did I was the happiest man alive, and if she didnt I would just wait till I called her again, and if by Sunday night she doesnt answer and the phone goes off I would know that it means another patient wait till Friday for the repeat of the whole process.
This was how I lived for 3 months. For 3 months I waited for her, I told her its ok if I had to wait, its ok that this is the life I have to go through, I didnt care about all that as long as I had her in my life. I thought about everything, how it would be like when we finally meet up if we do meet up. I though about everything. And then this happens.
IF YOU DIDNT WANNA TALK TO ME YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID SO,
IF YOU DIDNT LIKE IT THAT I CALLED YOU SO MUCH YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME,
IF YOU DIDNT LOVE ME YOU COULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME SO,
WHY AFTER 8 GIRLFRIENDS AND AFTER BEING CHEATED BY FRIENDS AND BY THE PEOPLE I LOVE I STILL KEEP ON GETTING IT AGAIN AND AGAIN
I QUIT SMOKING FOR YOU,
I QUIT A LOT OF THINGS FOR YOU,
AND THIS IS WHAT I GET?
Well that's what happened to me, all this beautiful so called amzing feeling just suffocated me and I couldn't really see what was going on. I cant deny, there is love in this world, there still are those few lucky chaps who do find love and do live happily. but all I know is that I'm not that person.
For as long as I've known I've guided people to find love, I've helped people overcome their problems in relationships but guess what, I was never good enough to deal with my own issues. Yeah it's pathetic that after 8gfs I have not gotten my first kiss yet, but whats even worse is that with all 8 gfs I still didnt find love. Now that is what bugs me even more than everything else. Yes 3 of my gfs cheated on me but after 18 years if I cant answer what is love then what kind of a life have I lived.
In December, I fell in love with a girl called Cassandra Anne Sebastian. She was the most perfect girl to me. I loved her from the bottom of my heart. There wasnt a single day where I did not think of her. Every night as I lay down on my bed, I used to look at her picture in my phone before sleeping off. She then left for Sarawak to live with her aunty and she was studying there. She would only get her phone on weekends and therefore every Friday night, I would send her a text message waiting for the message to be delivered. I would wait so patiently and the second I see that the message was delivered I would call her hoping that the situation would be right for her to answer the call. If she did I was the happiest man alive, and if she didnt I would just wait till I called her again, and if by Sunday night she doesnt answer and the phone goes off I would know that it means another patient wait till Friday for the repeat of the whole process.
This was how I lived for 3 months. For 3 months I waited for her, I told her its ok if I had to wait, its ok that this is the life I have to go through, I didnt care about all that as long as I had her in my life. I thought about everything, how it would be like when we finally meet up if we do meet up. I though about everything. And then this happens.
IF YOU DIDNT WANNA TALK TO ME YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID SO,
IF YOU DIDNT LIKE IT THAT I CALLED YOU SO MUCH YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME,
IF YOU DIDNT LOVE ME YOU COULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME SO,
WHY AFTER 8 GIRLFRIENDS AND AFTER BEING CHEATED BY FRIENDS AND BY THE PEOPLE I LOVE I STILL KEEP ON GETTING IT AGAIN AND AGAIN
I QUIT SMOKING FOR YOU,
I QUIT A LOT OF THINGS FOR YOU,
AND THIS IS WHAT I GET?
There isnt any love for me in this world, I might have friends that really do care about me and do love me. But I dont have that one special person who I can wake up every morning thinking of and sleep every night wishing she would come into my dreams.
There isnt
And now all I can do is sit here thinking what went wrong again....
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Valentines.... pfft
I'm sorry people for not updating my blog, I know its been ages, but I jus totally lost the mood to do it anymore. A lot of things have happened since the last time I posted. Both good things and bad things have happened, but sadly I don't really haf the time to write it out in deatil because I'm kinda busy with my college and all.
Exams are coming so I need to study and assignments and all so yeah.
Thanks for still visiting my blog eventhough you never expected to read anything here.
I realize I'm very lucky to have many of the friends that I have now. Just want to thank you all for being there for me.
Exams are coming so I need to study and assignments and all so yeah.
Thanks for still visiting my blog eventhough you never expected to read anything here.
I realize I'm very lucky to have many of the friends that I have now. Just want to thank you all for being there for me.
I'm a different guy now
I'll make a change
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Random Pics
The cake for my mum's b'day
My new Christmas tree
My new cousin
My lolipop =p
The Birthday Babies in the reunion
Gong Xi Fa Cai
Well first and foremost I would like to wish everyone a Happy Chinese New Year, 恭喜发财，红袍拿来。I hope what I wrote is right, been trying to brush up on my Mandarin lately.
Anyway, yesterday, we finally had the reunion of all our primary school friends. If I'm not mistaken we had about 30 people in this reunion which was really great. Honestly, this wasn't an easy job to accomplish, but thanks to all my friends who kinda pushed me through and helped me a lot, this reunion turned out to be a success.
Around 6+, I drove to Sentosa to pick up my old class monitor, Teo Teck Cheong. I didn't recognize him at all, he changed so much. Well of course, I mean it has been 6 years since we last met. Anyway I picked him up and left for Asoka. I know, a weird place to have a reunion, but when I went to book at JETH they told me that they will be closed, so no choice I had to have it in Asoka.
Lan Si was the first to meet us there, then slowly one by one all of them came. It was nice to see all of them again, after like trying to picture how they looked while chatting with them through their msn. Soon, there were about 20+ of us and we decided to head to Station 1 as Asoka was pretty hot and not suitable to make loud noises.
It was nice to get to meet up with each other, I know I'm just repeating it again and again, but yeah that's how I felt. I mean these were some of the people I spent my 6 years of my early life with. I was really confused with the many colleges of the different people, I was really getting mixed up with all of them.
We then had a birthday celebration for our three birthday babies, Cheong Yong Sheng, Kenneth Mak Ping Li and Sam Shir Wei. We chilled a little while longer then the big task came - settling the bill. After that headache was over, we all decided to leave, and said our goodbyes.
It was a awesome experience seeing these faces again. I guess we should probably make it an annual thing. Well that's all I guess. Wishing all of you a Happy Chinese New Year, and I'm open for invitations :P chiowsss
Anyway, yesterday, we finally had the reunion of all our primary school friends. If I'm not mistaken we had about 30 people in this reunion which was really great. Honestly, this wasn't an easy job to accomplish, but thanks to all my friends who kinda pushed me through and helped me a lot, this reunion turned out to be a success.
Around 6+, I drove to Sentosa to pick up my old class monitor, Teo Teck Cheong. I didn't recognize him at all, he changed so much. Well of course, I mean it has been 6 years since we last met. Anyway I picked him up and left for Asoka. I know, a weird place to have a reunion, but when I went to book at JETH they told me that they will be closed, so no choice I had to have it in Asoka.
Lan Si was the first to meet us there, then slowly one by one all of them came. It was nice to see all of them again, after like trying to picture how they looked while chatting with them through their msn. Soon, there were about 20+ of us and we decided to head to Station 1 as Asoka was pretty hot and not suitable to make loud noises.
It was nice to get to meet up with each other, I know I'm just repeating it again and again, but yeah that's how I felt. I mean these were some of the people I spent my 6 years of my early life with. I was really confused with the many colleges of the different people, I was really getting mixed up with all of them.
We then had a birthday celebration for our three birthday babies, Cheong Yong Sheng, Kenneth Mak Ping Li and Sam Shir Wei. We chilled a little while longer then the big task came - settling the bill. After that headache was over, we all decided to leave, and said our goodbyes.
It was a awesome experience seeing these faces again. I guess we should probably make it an annual thing. Well that's all I guess. Wishing all of you a Happy Chinese New Year, and I'm open for invitations :P chiowsss
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